Everyone has a guardian angel except Chuck... he guards himself.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#352

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

#340

If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

#638

Chuck Norris puts sunglasses on to protect the sun from his eyes.

#1

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

#8

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

#140

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

#616

Once Chuck Norris signed a cheque and the bank bounced.

#297

Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

#547

Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.

#482

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

#652

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

#518

Chuck Norris can access private methods.