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Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
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#594
Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.
#455
Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
#661
Chuck Norris irons his trousers with them still on.
#463
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
#701
Chuck Norris can get a Pepsi out of a Coke machine.
#702
Chuck Norris finished the neverending story.
#160
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
#617
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
#243
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
#356
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
#416
A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
#104
A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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