Chuck Norris doesn't use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#294

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

#347

Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.

#639

Chuck Norris can lock a safe and keep the key inside it.

#341

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

#319

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

#321

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.

#139

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

#185

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

#428

Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.

#538

Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.

#331

Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.

#202

Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.